Table of Contents
Myth 1: Ethical non-monogamy is just an excuse to cheat
This is perhaps the most pervasive myth about ENM. In reality, ethical non-monogamy is fundamentally based on honesty, consent, and open communication between all partners involved. Unlike cheating, which involves deception, ENM relationships operate with the full knowledge and agreement of everyone. Partners discuss boundaries, expectations, and relationship agreements openly.
Myth 2: Non-monogamous relationships are less committed or stable
Many assume ENM relationships lack commitment or are inherently unstable. However, research shows that consensually non-monogamous relationships can be just as stable, committed, and satisfying as monogamous ones. ENM often requires even more communication, trust, and emotional work to maintain multiple relationships ethically.
Myth 3: Ethical non-monogamy is all about casual sex
While some ENM relationships may include casual sexual connections, many involve deep emotional bonds and long-term commitments. Polyamory, for instance, focuses on building multiple loving relationships. The emphasis is on connection and intimacy, not just physical encounters.
Myth 4: People choose ENM because they can’t commit or fear intimacy
This myth misunderstands the nature of ENM. Many people in non-monogamous relationships are deeply committed to their partners and capable of profound intimacy. Choosing ENM is often a conscious decision to explore different relationship structures, not an avoidance of commitment.
Myth 5: Non-monogamous people don’t get jealous
Jealousy can occur in any relationship, including ENM ones. The difference is that people practicing ethical non-monogamy often develop skills to communicate about and work through jealousy in healthy ways. They may view jealousy as an opportunity for personal growth rather than a relationship-ending problem.
Myth 6: ENM is a new fad or a phase
While the term “ethical non-monogamy” may be relatively new, the practice of having multiple consensual relationships has existed throughout human history. For many people, ENM is a lifelong orientation or choice, not a passing phase or trend.
Myth 7: Ethical non-monogamy is only for young or “alternative” people
ENM is practiced by people of all ages, backgrounds, and walks of life. Studies suggest that about 4-5% of Americans are currently in consensually non-monogamous relationships, with even more having engaged in ENM at some point in their lives. It’s not limited to any particular demographic or subculture.
Myth 8: ENM relationships are less healthy or ethical than monogamy
There’s no evidence that ENM relationships are inherently less healthy or ethical than monogamous ones. Like any relationship style, the health and ethics depend on how individuals practice it. ENM relationships that prioritize honesty, consent, and mutual respect can be just as healthy and ethical as monogamous ones.
By dispelling these myths, we can foster a more nuanced and accurate understanding of ethical non-monogamy. While ENM may not be right for everyone, it’s important to recognize it as a valid relationship choice for those who practice it consensually and ethically. As with any relationship style, the keys to success in ENM are communication, honesty, and mutual respect.